only human

I usally try my best to keep the blog nice and neutral, and business oriented about jewelry. But I think it's important for there to be connection between the reader and the writer. That's kind of why I keep the blog, right!? But it's easy to get caught up in the business and forget that I'm only human. It becomes kind of robotic where every day blurs into the next and all of a sudden I've realized 2 years has gone by and nothing has changed.
Here's where it gets personal. If you'd rather only read stuff about beads, and jewelry, and Etsy right now, you might want to jet. Today's not the day. Today is the day where you'll realize that I'm human. Regular ol' person just like you and you and you and YOU.
I think it's also important to say this. I am not looking for comments, or lots of support. I'm only looking for a connection. For that moment when a person reading this thinks, hey- I can relate to that. No comments are necessary. Ok. L. get on with it.
We have been trying to get pregnant on and off for 4 years. That's a really really long freakin' time. Now we've started really trying again. We ended up taking some time off and now we've done some tests and everything is normal so we are trying it out again. But now I've turned into a raging lunatic. How does this happen? Trying to get pregnant isn't supposed to make me completely crazy.
I've started to concoct scenarios in my head about symptoms that I'm having that could or could not mean that I might be. pregnant. That alone, could make a person crazy. Like this weird insatiable hunger I've had for 4 days. Even after eating, I'm hungry an hour later. (in my head, this could only mean one thing. is this true? Of course not. I know this.) Or, how I kind of felt for a few days like my pee was really super strong. or like I might be getting a UTI. Do you want to read about that stuff on a jewelry blog? No of course not. But I'm only human!! These are thoughts I'm having. I've completely lost my mind. And am resorting to typing it out as a way of therapy. It's helping so far.
All I know is, having a baby is scary shit. Are we ready? I think so. We aren't getting any younger. I just want to be a mother. That's all. So I would really appreciate it if the Gods above could grant me this one wish because I can't really be this childless, obsessive, crazy, lunatic beader any longer.